Eternity is nothing you would ever wish for
by imperfecti0ned
Summary: "The first time she approaches Carmilla about the matter is on their third date. It is a question, ever so softly asked, but with a slight of demand behind it." Written for the Carmilla series. Laura wants to know about eternity. But is it just out of interest or is there more behind that? Hollstein Oneshot.


**A/N: I swear to god this show will kill me. If they end the season by killing someone off, I will go crazy (Yes, even more than I already am). All I want is some fluff and cuddles, is that too much to ask for? Seems so. **

**Well, if they don't give it to me on the show, I will write it. This little gem is getting published because I almost passed Philosophy today, so a shout out to my teacher for that. Anyway, enjoy the fic and maybe leave me review what I could do better next time.**

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><p>For sure, Laura is very careful.<p>

The first time she approaches Carmilla about the matter is on their third date.

It is a question, ever so softly asked, but with a slight of demand behind it.

Carmilla chooses to let it slip, to find another topic to move onto, and for this night, Laura doesn't ask again, the raven haired makes sure of that.

But how could Laura even keep the question in mind as bodies crash together in a desperate manner that night, clothes being shed and all but themselves forgotten.

When they awake the next morning, their limbs tangled as much as the sheets, Carmilla has no idea Laura ever even posed the question. Instead she kisses the girl on top of the head and makes them coffee and opens up a pack of cookies.

However, the second time Laura hints at it, Carmilla instantly remembers again, and, even though Laura is more pressing this time, she manages to get out of it by tackling her girlfriend onto the bed and making her moan and scream instead of asking questions.

And even though Laura seems satisfied afterwards, Carmilla doesn't forget.

The third time isn't subtle at all anymore. Laura blankly puts the question out there.

„How is it to be immortal? I imagine it must be quite amazing"

Carmilla puts on her signature smirk and walks the two steps over to Laura's bed seductively.

„Would you really like to talk about that now, cupcake? Or would you rather be doing something else?", she asks as she leans forward, giving Laura and excellent view of her cleavage.

And for a time it seems, Laura has forgotten again.

However, as they lie naked beneath the sheets, Laura shifts, lifts her head up from Carmilla's chest and looks her girlfriend in the eyes.

„You can't keep distracting me with sex forever, you know?"

That takes Carmilla off guard for a moment. She had thought herself to be a bit less obvious.

But then again, Laura is a self proclaimed Detective, and not a bad one, not to forget that she is the first one to ever figure out her true nature by herself.

So maybe, she should have been a little more subtle, or just made up some lies, that would have been easier. But as she avoids to answer, the vampire realises, that the reason she hasn't lied is the fact that Laura is too clever for that and that they will have to have this talk sooner or later.

Still, she turns her head away to avoid those big blue eyes.

„It is not something I am too keen to talk about, you should have figured that much out, sweet cheeks"

Laura seems a bit taken aback. Maybe, Carmilla realises, she has never thought about it that way. Maybe Laura always thought she was closed off, after centuries of lying and plotting.

„I am sorry. I should have been more... I just figured that... I don't know", Laura starts to ramble.

She starts moving, slips from the covers and hectically starts picking up her clothes from the floor, all the while not daring to look at her girlfriend.

Immediately Carmilla regrets her snarky comeback.

„No, wait, Laura, look, please, I'm sorry", she makes herself say.

Laura looks at her, still naked, with her clothes in her hand.

Carmilla forces herself to look into her girlfriend's eyes and not let her own eyes wander.

She pats the space on the bed Laura has been laying on a minute before.

„Come, and ask what you must. Just know that the answers you get, may not be the answers you want"

Laura nods and crawls back into bed, covering herself up with a blanket.

Carmilla shifts and puts Lauras yellow pillow behind her back to sit more comfortably.

„So", she says after a moment of silence, „what do you want to know?"

„First, please tell me, why you were trying so hard to avoid the topic"

„Because a monster doesn't like to reveal it's true nature", Carmilla answers.

„Wait... do you not want to talk about it because you think I will think of you as a monster and hate you? I could never hate you Carmilla"

Carmilla only notices the tears as Laura wipes them away. There is a moment of silence.

„So, how does it feel to be eternal?", Laura finally asks.

„Pain. It is so much pain. Eternity is nothing you would ever wish for. Who ever asks for it is mad beyond... well, everything. You are damned to watch everyone you ever loved die. And if you find new loved ones you will go through it again. And again and again. It will never stop. I am damned to live through the same nightmare again and again and I can't ever wake up. And besides that, the urge to kill for blood never lessens. I am in constant physical pain to resist my urges. That, however, is nothing compared to the pain I will feel if I can't resist. But now I have a question for you, cupcake: Why do you want to know about this? If you don't care how much of a monster I am, why would you want to know all this?"

And this time Laura looks away.

Carmilla waits patiently for an answer.

She has waited centuries buried in a coffin of blood, she can wait a few minutes for Laura to gather up the courage to say what she has to say.

„Because", Laura finally speaks up, „I don't want you to be alone anymore. And does wanting to live forever for love really make me mad?"

And for the first time in her centuries of life, Carmilla doesn't know what to say.


End file.
